I once was a happy man of sound and stable mind,
Then my neighbor bought a dog.
He put a ribbon on it's head to make it cute,
But it still looked like a Chihuahua.
He had me over to watch it sit and beg,
It bit my knee and made love to my leg.
Now it barks all the night and all of the day,
Whenever it's not peeing on my lawn.

I didn't get to sleep last night 'til very late,
The stupid dog barked and grrrrred.
I got up late for work and ran to catch the bus,
But I slipped on a turd.
I was certain it wasn't one of mine,
And that that dog had crossed over the line.
I wanted to exterminate it and all its kind,
From my lovely little suburb....

I'm gonna kill the dog next door, ain't gonna bark any more
'Cuz this is Judgment Day and the little runt has got to pay.
No more turds on my lawn, that stupid mutt will soon be gone
Gonna kill kill kill kill kill kill kill that dog.

I see the little monster in my garden,
So I grab and axe and off I go.
And I try my best to get it,
All I do is sever my big toe.
My neighbor comes outside to calm me,
He says his dog and me should just be friends.
He puts his little pet in my forgiving hands...

Then it starts to bite so I strangle it with all my might,
Oh oh oh oh ooh.

I'm gonna kill the dog next door, ain't gonna bite any more
'Cuz this is Judgment Day and the little runt has got to pay.
No more turds on my lawn, that stupid mutt will soon be gone,
Gonna kill kill kill kill kill kill kill that dog.

Now that stupid mutt's in doggy heaven,
I strangled it to death and now I'm free.
But my trouble ain't quite over,
My neighbor called the cops on me.
I end up at the police station,
Where I am told that I must pay,
A three-hundred dollar fine....

Wow, what a good value I think I'll kill my neighbor too,
Oh oh oh oh ooh.

I'm gonna kill the guy next door, won't call the cops anymore.
I never liked him anyway, three hundred isn't much to pay.
There are turds on my lawn,
They must be his, his dog is gone
Gonna kill kill kill kill kill kill kill
Kill kill kill kill kill kill kill
Kill kill kill kill kill kill kill that guy!