friday night's a perfect night to mow some neighbor's lawn
and i'm drunk and at the helm before too long
and chris will gladly ride shotgun
'cause navigating seems like fun
drunk and out of gas, we drive around and crash

drivin' through the yard
there's nothin' u can do
dave's behind the wheel and he's had more than just a few
suburban families slumber in civility
awakened to the sights and sounds of the yard they're blowin' down
in their death machine

drive, drive, drive, drive, drive, drive

dave's a midnight landscaper and he's workin over-time
and he is full throttle-- full throttle tonight
--ARIGHT!!--
he was almost home, just one more block
he had to hit that last mailbox
dumped it in a ditch-- ain't that a bitch?
STOKIN' THE NEIGHBORS!
dave had to run, dave had to bail
he was havin' too much fun to spend the night in jail
had no triple A for a tow truck
called 'em anyway only to hear them say
"hey pal, you're fucked"

"hey man, what're ya doin?"
"i'm goin for another drive, you wanna go chris?"
"ya bro, lemme grab a couple beers!"
"shouldn't be drivin like that, dave"

dave's a decent guy like most of us until he drinks
then his liquid mind takes over how he thinks
and then all that matters is havin' fun
pulling off the next beer run
on one too many nights, the party's over

drivin' through the yard
there's nothin' u can do
dave's behind the wheel and he's had more than just a few
suburban families slumber in civility
awakened to aftermath, the neighbors have been stoked

"the story you have just heard is true. the names have not been
changed to protect the guilty, however, lagwagon does not condone
drinking and driving, they just find this particularly humerous."