If you ever go to school
Then you'll know that it's a fool
Who believes a teachers pet
Is a pupil like yourself
For if I remember well
My old teachers was a belt
Which he kept around his shoulder blade
There for the mistakes we made

Have you ever been to sea
And been told reluctantly
That if you have one more drink
We're all liable to sink
If you have all I can say
Is have a happy holiday
And don't come back without a tan
Especially from a far off land

Funny old world this
Or haven't you noticed
Everything's glued on
Nothing is screwed on
One day we will come unstuck
But until then we're in luck

If you ever feel the need
To go out and plant a seed
Then by all means go ahead
I won't stop you but instead
I will tell you where to go
And the seeds that you can grow
And by way of payment back I think
You could buy us all a drink

Funny old world this
Or haven't you noticed
Nothing is certain
Gone for a burton
Something must be done they say
But for the moment it can wait.